Friday, 18 March 2011

Being up to something big

I wanted to share what "being up to something big" means to me. My teacher Baron Baptiste said it during my bootcamp teacher training, in fact he said "you'd BETTER be up to something big". Truthfully I thought he was talking to everyone else but me. I sat nicely in my chair, compliant and ready to work hard, but be up to something big? Nah, that was for the great ones in the room.

I've been guided by the concept that I'm a generalist, good at a few things but nothing great. I have believed that I'm a bit flawed, a little tightly wound, with an ability to be vulnerable and exposed. I had held on tightly to the fear of not being loved and that being left and rejected was something to expect.  Baron would also say "we all got rained on" meaning stuff happens and we make it mean something, not just me, everyone. That quickly took me out of victim mode and got me to work. During a meditation I experienced clarity in knowing that the pivotal moment in the development of my emotional identity was my mother getting cancer when I was 11. She was very sick and I was afraid she would leave me. I got scared, and I got angry.

Coming to my mat and in particular delving deeply into the practice of self knowledge I realized this critical piece in the jigsaw of my consciousness. I know I owe my mum (who is a fighter, alive, well and continually making a difference) a conversation and certainly an apology for pushing her away as a preemptive cautionary move, but I'll start here. Had I considered what she went through? Had I considered who I was being? This is what Yoga does for me. Brings me to this place of knowledge in myself. Now it's about clearing up the wreckage.

Self knowledge and certainly "ah-ha" moments create a clearing - much like loosening a tight hamstring can create space for ease of movement. With this kind of clearing I ask myself, "now what!?" Am I able to be up to something big? Can I see who I've been and find a new way? Hell ya.

The Yoga Jam is my way of stepping up to contribute to a cause, my mission to light a spark for the love of yoga here and far. This is why the Africa Yoga Project touches my soul and I can clearly get behind their cause. I feel so much exhilaration with the possibilities of what Yoga can open up to me that I want EVERYONE to experience the same. And with the clarity of a cause I seem to be moving out of my own way. Huh. The clearing is happening and I'm up to something big! Connect people to the gift of Yoga and share it with the world.

Could we all use a little clearing, a little less tension a little more flexibility? Taking a big breath I settle into the pose of my life, palms open, chest broad, neck long and ready to lean into the discomforts that may come. I'm up to something big.

4 comments:

willblundie said...

"And with the clarity of a cause I seem to be moving out of my own way." BEAUTIFUL! Thanks for your openness and inspiration. Love you xo W

julie said...

Our mothers...ourselves...
You will always be "big" in my world!

julie said...

YoERIN !!

,M

Robert said...

Er, this is beautiful. Love you and miss you. Nancy

About Me

My Photo
Yoga Jam Events
My name is Erin Anderson, I'm in love with yoga. I found out how to love deeper, live lighter and reach further through yoga. I'm passionate about sharing just that. In order to do that, I created The Yoga Jam Events as a means to elevate spirit, cultivate community and generate abundance. Coming together in play, breath and movement we can make real impact in the world, starting in Kenya with a possibility that knows no bounds. Each Yoga Jam Event donates proceeds to the Africa Yoga Project www.africayogaproject.org. This blog is dedicated to what I've learned along the way.
View my complete profile

Followers

Powered by Blogger.