I just came back from a powerful week of training with Baron Baptiste and his group of master teachers. It was by far the most effective, inspiring, and motivating program I've ever done with Baptiste. The Yoga Journal Conference Baptiste Immersion was 3 days long with a 4 hour morning master class with Baron followed by break out sessions in the afternoon with 10 incredible teachers. It was really hard to choose which session to do and yet I know I was in the perfect one each time.

I went into this immersion with no expectation of having any kind of breakthrough. I was there to connect with the Baptiste community and to be of service to Paige Elenson and the Africa Yoga Project. I had it in my mind that I was going for her and not me. I got a pretty quick wake up call that allowed me to realize that I MUST be at service to myself first before being any support to others. Throughout the week, either in meditation or in the physical practice I was lead to a pretty powerful ah-ha moment. I've been running, pushing, driving, to be "at service". "What can I do for you" has lead me to a depleted place. A nagging feeling of not being good enough even while I'm helping others has left me feeling empty. I realize I've been on a pretty big ego trip. This being at service thing has really shined a light on who I've been. Giving to others while sacrificing our own needs does the world no good. I don't even care if that's not good grammar, it's true.

During one morning meditation I was feeling particularly low and tired. Energy resources were down and I suspect so were the guards that keep me from feeling what I need to feel. I love meditation for that! Just sitting with myself and not talking allowed me to go further into the realm of my being. What came up first was the pain. I've been experiencing searing pain in my upper back for years. It's like a hot poker jabbing my spine. I blame it on my work as a graphic designer. My posture hunched and repetitive clicking of a mouse seems to have left me feeling chronically stiff, immobile and in pain. I have literally hated doing design work because of that pain. What has followed is a rebellion to my profession, work I've built up over 18 years. I quit. I want to be a yoga teacher instead. Now there is no question that my path to become a yoga teacher has changed my life, saved my marriage and brought me into a place of personal power, but did I really need to throw everything else away to get there? With the "I quit graphic design" declaration I also threw away most of my income. My family has suffered because if it. So back to my meditation. Baron's voice was leading me through some very literal physical awareness. There was nothing profound with his words but they were clear, true and said with love. As I reached my burning upper back there was this click, pop, ahhhhhh no pain. What just happened? All of a sudden tears started to flow and the pain was gone. I realized that the pain associated with my work came from my loss of power, my giving up on myself, not believing that no matter what I "do" I can still empower and inspire others.

My friend and mentor Pauline suggested a brilliant plan to help develop marketing tools for yoga teachers. I ran this idea by my friend Julie who is looking to expand her market as a teacher and her eyes lit up and she jumped for joy and thanked me. I was floored. Could my graphic design really help people? Really empower them? Damn I've been so blind! I have access to tools that are out of reach for many. I can help them articulate who they are and what they're up to in a visual presentation. If I can help them get out there and live big then I've been of service.

So what has opened up for me is that I don't need to give myself away in order to be of service. And what's possible is that I can create a giant win win for me, my family and my community both local and global.

My friends, inspirations and supporters at the Yoga Journal Conference Baptiste Immersion Sept 2011

Social Media was made for me. I'm the first to admit that I'm hooked. I didn't think I would be but well here I am blogging, tweeting and all over facebook like a hungry kid saddling up to a bowl of spaghetti. I am grateful that I have a platform for self promotion that is free and far reaching and I hope that this pays off. I am out in the world redefining my work life and putting myself out there to be at service to others. The idea behind self promotion is to get people to take me up on my offer! So the question is - do I consider this platform for expression to be social media or simply media? The differentiator is emotional for me. I find myself browsing through all these accomplished profiles wondering how I measure up? I wonder, who's paying attention to me? Cringe. How can I get to be doing what he/she is doing? Double cringe. This self comparison hook is what social media feeds on. This nasty gremlin who's been lurking since I was young likes to take me out at the knees. The weapon of choice is a measuring stick.

During a particularly frenzied facebook feast I came up for air and declared that I have to just do what I'm doing and forget what everyone else is doing! I have to trust that I'm creating great things and that abundance is already present, there is no scarcity.

I set the wheels back on track and maintain that social media is wonderful. I get to be exposed to inspired people who are changing the world! I get to see photos of rock-me-to-my-core quality. I get to create alliances, friendships, and connections with a global community of like minded people.

I am so fortunate to have been exposed to such diverse people thought my Baptiste trainings and this is our way to connect, feel supported and be encouraged. The "like" button is like getting a virtual hug.

Social media allows me to promote the crap out of an event I love and believe in. The Yoga Jam Event, raising money for the Africa Yoga Project,  is taking off in other communities now and I have a voice, albeit digital, that will hopefully find it's way into the hearts of yogis interested in jumping in and being a part of it.

Friends would say that I wear my heart on my sleeve...well my sleeve has a keyboard now. And my heart is deeply in love with Yoga. So if even one post, one photo, one paragraph of a blog piques the interest and sets one person into action then it's all worth it. What I'm up to is to discover the bond in our human community and take it from me, that bond is so present at each Yoga Jam Event and if we keep practicing we'll find that there is no breaking that bond. But we have to do it in real time, face time, eye ball to eye ball. Using social media to invite people to come together, yes, but we still have to walk through the door.

So I'm shutting down my computer and going to hug my husband. Night!

I was reading a bedtime story to my 5 year old son called "A teaspoon of courage" which was a sweet and simple guide to mustering up what we all have inside us for when things look tough. It occurred to me that is exactly what I need right now.

I have been a graphic designer for about 18 years and the trade has served me well. I've always been an entrepreneur mostly to accommodate my chronic need to be free, independent and most of all creative. I have loved some amazing opportunities graphic design has brought me over the years. During the most independent time of my life I was fortunate enough to be the in-house designer at the Vancouver 2010 Bid Corp and was a part of the core team when we won the bid to host the Winter Olympics. That project fulfilled all my deepest desires, to contribute to a team, to be creative with purpose and to be a part of something big. Since then I've worked on great projects and have also been able to maintain an income from my home while raising my wee kids. And since having kids and discovering Yoga I have transferred my entrepreneurial spirit to something I am deeply passionate about. A project I can sink my teeth into with my whole heart. I can apply my design and marketing skills to really put myself out there and hope that I can share what I love with my community.

This courage stuff came up for me when the reality of supporting the lifestyle that I've been living sunk in. I had a moment of wondering if I should abandon my endeavour of passion and go back to what I know earns me money. But interestingly enough my body is telling a different story. Everytime I sit at my computer I get a horrible pain in my arm and shoulder. It's unbearable. I can't concentrate and I need to move. My body is sending the message that my rational side is questioning. Can I have the courage to listen? Can I have the courage to trust the old saying "do what you love and the money will follow"? As yogi's most of us have a hard time discussing money. It almost seems taboo to strive for a great income while being at service to others. It is a risk for me to even put this out there...

And when I really look at the abundance I crave so much, I realize how unbelievably rich I am. I am doing what I love and I am making a difference to others. Courage seems to only be required to buck what my belief system tells me about abundance. What kind of currency am I dealing with here? Yoga allows me to reach out to others and speak the language of spirit. How can I give that up and go back to sitting behind a computer separate from the connection I so long for? 

I am so clear on what lights me up - creativity, connection and community. The Yoga Jam is all about that! The events make me happy and fulfill me deeply. If money is my concern then how can this be when all the money is given to a cause? The events generate abundance for others in a meaningful way and THIS is what fulfills me.

I am digging deep to access the courage inside me to lead the life I have waiting for me and stop gripping to the life I think I should have as Joseph Conrad said. I am committed to telling the story of who I am from my whole heart, not to you, but to me.

Yesterday my good friend Sue Elmas and I put on our first workshop called "Elevate Spirit". It was inspiring, powerful, touching and, well, sweaty.

I am so grateful for the Baptiste training I've had, and for the framework for transformation that it provides. Yoga works. The Baptiste method works. If you're scratching your head wondering what I mean by that the come to one of my workshops and find out! I'm excited to share!!

The theme of the workshop came from what the Yoga Jam is all about. The only guidelines I have ever set up for the Yoga Jam is to elevate spirit, cultivate community and generate abundance. These words, spirit, community and abundance sprung up and bounced around the room at the first Yoga Jam and have been present ever since. I considered what "spirit" meant to me and how to go about defining it. I created a few key questions to help land some wording around creating a "spirit statement", and as I did the work myself I was amazed at what came out of it. I created my own spirit statement which I will share with you: I am inspiration through connection and love. I use this daily. I use it as a touchstone to remind me of what I'm about. I use it as a compass to guide me through challenging situations. I use it to inspire myself to get back to my true essence.

I asked the participants to do this work and challenged each to reach deep inside to articulate who they really are. This was met with delight, tears, withdrawl, resistance, frustration, love, compassion and grace. I was completely inspired and I am continually amazed at how we are at once completely different and exactly the same. My brother has a great way of defining how we move through life differently. He says "it's like we all use different golf clubs, some of us reach for the driver and some the putter." We're all playing the same game, just using different tools. As I reach for my large headed driver, I am grateful that Sue was there offering the fine touch of the putter.

This kind of work is like taking a vitamin. There are days when it's like swallowing one of those comically huge green flecked pills that you have to tell yourself are good for you. There are days when the work unlocks intense sensations. There are days when it's like swallowing something bitter and nasty.  But as we do the work, life pulses, vibrancy enters our bodies and our cheeks flush. How good it is to be awake and alive.

Come to our next workshop and see what is possible when we come together to do the work. It feels pretty sweet to sweat it out after and leave it all behind on your yoga mat. Unleash your spirit, I want to know you.

Ryan Leier, founder of Yoga Vinyasa for Youth

May 21 marked the 9th Yoga Jam Event in Whistler and for me this event went to a new level. For one, my goal of raising $10,000 has been met and exceeded. For another the event is reaching out to new people of various ages, abilities, health...the boundaries are expanding.

Ryan Leier, a yogi with a remarkable open and loving quality, flew out from Saskatoon, brought a huge posse to the event and connected us all in a soulful and rich practice. He is the Director of One Yoga, Saskatoon and now Vancouver as well as the founder of Yoga Vinyasa for Youth. He is bringing yoga to the most important demographic, our future leaders.

Ryan co-taught with Reno Muenz, his student and fellow teacher. The respect between these two inspired me. His business partner Dustin Fruson assisted the participants in a strong and supportive way. Ryan has a community of friends, co-workers, partners and students that is rich and committed. Much like his own yoga practice.

Big connection and lots of love at the Yoga Jam!

People ask me "how do you get these teachers to come, fly out from various cities and teach for free?" If I had to think about it and plan for it I don't think it would happen. Tension comes into my body when I think about "convincing" people. But the Yoga Jam Event is the easiest event to enroll people into. All I do is ask. Photographers, musicians, volunteers, they are all a big yes, and it has nothing to do with me. Yoga works like that. I have reached out to the very vast Baptiste trained teachers since they all have a special link to the Africa Yoga Project. We're like a big family that supports this incredible initiative and we all have huge respect and admiration for Paige Elenson who is the founder. Both Ryan and Paige share the ability to see Yoga as a means for connection and peace, no matter who, no matter where. They very often face obstacles in their quest to reach out but they keep on saying yes and venturing forward. Paige often says, "I don't know how, but I keep on saying yes." Through them I see now what my vision is to offer Yoga Beyond Boundaries, yes with capital letters.

Each Yoga Jam Event brings new faces and people willing to "give it a try". This last event brought over 60 people of 3 generations together from 6 to 70. Beyond Boundaries. We worked in pairs, connected through breath, laughed as we toppled over, perhaps even went into a pose that we hadn't considered possible. Beyond Boundaries.

Crista Shillington "backpacking"!

The next Yoga Jam Event is in Vancouver, generously hosted by Gloria Latham at Semperviva, City Studio June 18 from 1-3pm. She has offered up her biggest studio along with three of her most lit up teachers to lead us through an all-styles yoga practice. Crista Shillington, Wes Salter, Cameron Gilley and Gloria will give us a taste of Yin, Power, Hatha and Kundalini yoga set to live music.

All I had to do was ask. Gloria was a swift yes and saw no boundaries what so ever. Now trust me, I do get to hear no, probably more often than I mention. But with this event, somehow I don't seem to care, I keep asking anyway. The yes answers I get are so bright and memorable that the nos drift away. One person, one breath, one yes at a time. I am up to dropping boundaries.

I recently assisted at the Baptiste Foundations in Action Training in Seattle which has left me brimming with inspiration and passion. I admit that I find myself with an extra wide funnel for this bubbling energy and growth and I'm not sure where to direct the spout. But if there's one thing I took from the weekend it was that sitting with emotions is the route to transformation. So I'm sitting with not knowing what's next and am opening my eyes to pathways of expression.

For me being with uncertainty is a challenge. I come from a culture of "get er done"ness. My husband calls this the "Konantz Cram". For those of you who know my family well will have a good chuckle at this term. A perfect example: my mother. A woman who grew up with a mother in a wheelchair, much older brothers, a father who was taken to war, and bred into a culture of "smile and nod". She was the youngest child to be at enrolled at boarding school at the age of five. Since there were no others her age she was alone in a big dorm room. Smile and nod. She went through life with little resistance and, well, got er done. Raising 3 kids in the age of wife home, husband works was something she took on in a creative way. Finding time to educate herself further, without sacrificing time to do paper maché with us all, she received a degree in fine arts. Get er done. My mother exemplified what we in the Baptiste community call "being a YES". She took on the good, the bad, and cancer with a YES. She taught us to accept what is and if there's something missing go and get it. This attitude showed up big at the last Yoga Jam Event where my 75 year old mother was a YES for a handstand. (The photo shows feet behind her which belong to my father, her feet are in the air!)

So my question is what is it that gets in the way of us all being a YES? Can we create a radical shift in our culture to each live life fully from a YES? What would be possible if so? I believe it would show up as peace worldwide.

Imagine if each person had the mantra of "I am enough. I am a YES. What's next?" Imagine if the world operated from this perspective? As I wrote this a huge sigh came over me and I relaxed into my body. Peace.

My hope is that more people will come to the Yoga Jam Events. Yes, I'm asking you to show up. It's fun, for a great cause and brings us all together. I'm asking you to be a YES to this event. What is it that stands in the way of participation? Can any concern for looking good be replaced by a concern for feeling good? I ask this of myself too so that I can show up more powerfully in my family, community and for others.

I loved that when I rushed over to assist my mum going up into handstand I whispered to her that she didn't have to do it, her response was "I'm doing it". Simple. Nothing in her way. Inspiration in the flesh.

I am so excited that the fabulousness of the Yoga Jam Events is spreading into other communities. Recently two Rachels put on a sweet Yoga Jam Event in their home town of Eagle Colorado. So many beautiful stories came from it, connections were made, abundance generated and the community was elevated. Perfection! Stay connected to the Yoga Jam happenings on the Yoga Jam Events Facebook Page. Help me with my goal to get over 1000ppl to "like" the page so we can spread the awareness.

Recently I met many amazing people at the lululemon ambassador summit in Whistler. I had the privileged spending time with my teacher Baron Baptiste as well as Leah Cullis who is lighting up the Baptiste world. The room was electric with uber keen people and a very positive vibe, and not the cheesy fake kind, the really grounded super honest and vulnerable kind. One such person is Lisa Shields from the lululemon store in Carlsbad California. Sweet, energetic and a walking breathing YES. She is all about hosting a Yoga Jam Event in her community! Yes! My vision of taking the event around the globe is happening, one community at a time. Carlsbad watch out, Lisa is unleashed!

Lisa is busy planning her event and asked me for the guidelines of the event. I started writing and thought that I would share my vision blogstyle. So here it is! If you would like to host a Yoga Jam Event in your community let me know! erin@whitegoldyoga.com